How many times you felt like your partner isn't truly there? How many days have you noticed they weren't really honest? Love makes us blind so we convince ourselves that what we think is going on isn't really going on and it is only in our head, and then we find ourselves wondering how we didn't see the signs before.
Losing someone you love is painful, it breaks you apart and takes out your soul for a ride in hell. When you lose someone you love because of a betrayal, hell is where you take yourself on a vacation. You can never be the same after a treason, and it makes you feel like you will never be able to trust again.
It all started so well
You meet someone and you are sure that finally you have found the one, but then you find out they were never really yours.
"Everything could have been different if you'd listen to your gut", that is what you tell yourself after it's over, and swear to yourself you will never be so stupid again. But then you decide to give yourself one more chance, just in case. Because now you are smarter, and you would know when to say stop if you see something wrong, and that maybe- you just didn't try hard enough and this time it will all be different. It is all or nothing.
Lie to me Pinocchio
You have known each other almost as long as you could remember, and you always liked each other. You were that messed up-complicated-daddy issued girl, and he was that quiet-well educated-hot gentleman, just like in Hollywood millennium teenage movies. You were driving each other nuts, knowing you were so right but so wrong for each other. So many times you tried to be good for him and he tried to keep you from doing stupid things, but somehow it never worked. You felt like something was missing, you never felt like you could trust him enough knowing about what was going on with his life in your past. You fell in love with him from the first moment he took care of you after you broke up with your first boyfriend, when you were a teenager. He was always so sweet to you, always listened to your drama and always tried to help in his own way. But there was the big elephant in the space between the two of you; He was never hiding his romans with other girls, and you always felt like it wasn't fair to you because you wanted him so madly. You tried so hard to get his attention, and yet every time after being together you heard a new story about his other dates. Yet, he was nicer than anyone else to you, and you imagined how one day he will fall in love with you and you will live together happily ever after. Sometimes, he showed you sparkles of passion and you were kissing and making out, which made your hope even stronger, and other times you were sitting and watching him kissing and making out with other girls, feeling your soul burning to dust. You were desperate to understand what is wrong with you, you wished he would lie about it then making you see how much of a nothing you are for him. You wanted him to lie and be with you, until he left and you finally decided to let go of him and find someone who would truly care.
You let yourself fall in love again
You think your rebound will be what you dreamed of, but then you find out it is your worse nightmare
He had finally found a serious relationship, and you felt like it is really the time to move on, so you did. The guy from school, the one you were once hot for, found you and made you feel a little more special then you did before. But he left, cause you were too messed up. You have moved on once again, but found yourself drowning in a relationship of violence and sex, drugs and tears. You escaped, but then fell into another relationship that was even worse than the last one, and you failed to find love again, and again. So you started thinking about him, the one that was never truly yours. You realized that out of everything you have been through, he was the best you ever had. You knew he took care of you better than anybody, even though he was never truly yours, as you known. You decided you should stay alone, because you are better that way. You have found your peace of mind in your dark corner on the 4th floor, and you were finally happy. You swore you will never let yourself be used and betrayed again. You have put your heart in a chest and locked it in the ceiling.
And then he came back
After all these years you were beating yourself for not being good enough, he finally fell in love with you. He was so different than you once known him, that it seemed like god finally heard you prayers and sent you the one you were waiting for so desperately. You let go of your past and forgot what he did once, you freed yourself from the way he made you feel once, and you just closed your eyes, letting him get full control of your life. Your new relationship seemed perfect; Neither of you needed anything else but each others body, you couldn't get your hands off of each other every moment of the day. You were hungry and passionate, you loved being together whenever you could, so you decided to move in together as soon as it was possible. It all seemed perfect; They were beautiful and endlessly happy together, their passion never went off, or at least so he seemed.
Once a traitor- always a traitor
Your happy moments come to an end when you find out you were right to let go of him. He is the one who should fix himself, not you.
Sadly, you figured that all of the times he was mad at you for talking to other men, all of the days he wouldn't let you out without knowing exactly where would you be, were all huge stop signs you have just ignored. People might assume sometimes, that their partner is having an affair if they are coming back late from work all the time or acting somehow suspiciously, but it is not ok when your partner tries to control your life completely.
He never was the kind of guy who would just let go easily if he wants something, and you knew it. So when it came to the stage he started lowering you and treating you like you should be thankful for him even looking at you- you knew it is time to go. So why didn't you? Well, love hurts- isn't it?
He betrayed you by leaving you alone in your worse and then went to other girls arms for his own comfort, and yet- you kept believing he might change and actually be the one. But why would you hold on to "The one" fairytale, when you were actually so much better on your own? You know now the face of a real treason, from every side possible. Maybe now, finally, you would agree to take care of your own self?
You will never ignore the red signs again, no matter how good he makes you feel sometimes. Because whatever it takes to believe in a liar, will bring more good with the right person.