To begin a new chapter of a story, you have to finish writing the first one. I always knew I can divide everything by 3, and so happened I had to divide my life too.
In the first chapter, I've been kept in a world of lies and betrayal, I had no idea who I am or what can be called reality around me.
My full story was never heard, and I believe it never will be. I know only one thing, the best things in life are free, and whether you like it or not- you're going to have to figure out your why, in order to find your how, not the opposite. And so I did, I have built myself a plan and kept going with it every single day, even when it seemed like I'm too far from achieving my goals.
My new life had only begun, my second birthday is in 15 days. The life I had before is like a big chest of books and journals which I once used to carry everywhere with me, trying to understand what the hell can I learn from it, or when will I finally understand what is it all about. Besides, those where all of the rules I had to live by, and there where too many, I just couldn't carry them all anymore.
Before my rebirth I know I leaved in a lie, in a fantasy, in which I couldn't understand what is real and what isn't. I didn't know whether I truly feel what I feel or I am only making this up. I didn't even realize how deeply I can really feel things, how far my power goes.
In order to start figuring out things, I had to get out of my head. I had to go back to the place where it all started, I had to understand what was real and what wasn't. I began a journey back to my past. I was scared to death at first, it meant I am going to have to speak to all those people who once made me feel like nothing, I knew I will probably have to even meet a few of them, the ones who had really left a huge negative mark in my life. I have got back to all of the places that had anything to do with my past, for starters. I had to try and feel those places, their energy, so I could figure out where to start.
Two years ago, on my 25th birthday I have promised myself I will never go back to a place where I get hurt or being unappreciated at, I will never let myself accept less than I deserve, even if it means being alone and with no money to live for, I promised myself I will never let anything or anyone mess with my mind again, no matter what. I have made a decision to learn how to be loyal to my feelings and myself, I have decided to learn how to love myself for real.
This birthday was truly unforgettable, but not in a good way. I remember the pain I felt. I think it was the first time after many years that I knew it comes from within, that I am not making this up, that it isn't only in my head. I swore myself then, I would do whatever it takes to build the life that I want, the life that I would truly want to live, and not only because I have to. I told myself that the only people who will surround me will be those who truly care for my well being, nothing less.
I new that the first thing I must do to find my peace of mind and real happiness, is to set myself free, get out of the cage that I was locked in for the first part of my life. I knew I had to let go everything I know, I had to start over, to let my heart its freedom.
Since then, I have been working my ass of in any possible area of my life. I have done so much in those two years, that looking back I can proudly say- nothing of it was in vain. Everything I have ever been through taught me something important about my destiny, gave me a tool to use in my life and pass to my future children, or a good memory to warm my heart when I feel lost. Non of it was useless, everything was necessary. Everything helped me get so far, so fast.
I went from one person to another, heard their story, felt the way they feel about me, sow their eyes telling everything without any words. I have figured out everything, I found all the answers I needed, I began to understand where the truth is, except of one last issue. Regardless of that, I have found a way to set myself free without the need to to actually "DO" something about it. I have made the biggest progress ever in order to bring things back to their places; I have stood in front of my biggest fears and made myself let go of the things that used to hold me back, all of them, for good.
Now that I have finally realized it all, I have found a way to shorten things, to write down in my small notebook only the rules I must not violate under any circumstances, write down all of the conclusions I have came to that made me who I am proud to be, and finally; write down a list of the tools I must never forget to use, no matter what happens or who tries to make me change my way.
I know I am now truly unstoppable; there is nothing in the world that can stop me, break me or destroy me.
I am ready to die in every moment, because I know it will be the right moment.
I am no longer willing to kill myself for the sake of others, that is not what I was made for.