There is no person on earth who wouldn't want to feel loved and needed forever, that is why we spend a lifetime trying to find the prefect partner to hold and cherish. But what happens when you love someone who doesn't feel the same way? Or even worse, loving a person who is using your feelings for their own benefit, with no return- what do you do then?
For most of us, love is the most important thing in life. But there are many people who don't even know what love is, how should it be and feel like. I know what it's like to be ready to give your everything to someone and do not get anything back, at all. Not like I wanted anything, but at least some appreciation could feel better than being used.
You know I will do anything to be perfect for you, why wouldn't you see it? Why can't you love me for and despite everything?
I never thought it would be so hard to admit I was the one who's to blame for everything, but it's true. I am guilty for letting people use me, I was one of those people who has no idea what love should actually be like.
My revenge was never good for me
Every time I found myself in a terrible scenario; I fell in love, gave everything away, and expected to get the same back. But my mistake was so huge, that instead of getting love, I been used and manipulated. I got stuck in my own head thinking I'm not good enough and that is why I don't get true love, but the truth is I couldn't be more wrong. It's not like I wasn't good enough, it's just that I was too obsessed with trying to be as perfect as possible for the person I loved, even when it meant to become someone I am not.
What happened every time was I found my self broken and alone, feeling betrayed and punished. I know things would be different if I wasn't so obsessed with the wrong people, but would have just let go and move on when I've seen it wasn't it. Any way, I got myself out of this, I have learned to cut out the people who played my feelings, and I am not giving up on myself again. I have learned to choose myself over the pursue for love, and I can say it was the smartest thing I could do for myself. The people who had once hurt me now understand what they did and feel sorry for it. They live their own life hoping one day I'll be able to speak with them again, trying to do anything possible to get me back.
I can say I am not angry with them, and I am not even hurt anymore. I am glad I had the chance to learn this lesson and to pass this test. I know I will never be the same again simply because now I am able to understand what kind of behavior shows real love, and which is a total lie and manipulation. I know now I am smarter and much stronger, and I am finally able to find real love.